


Don't Kill Us

by Thewholocked



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, Demon, Established Relationship, Feelings, Gore, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Past Child Abuse, adam second guessing himself because of the situation at hand, little bit tho nothing fancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-29 03:42:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14464242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thewholocked/pseuds/Thewholocked
Summary: Adam's bad day is bigger than just missing Ronan, feeling like absolute shit and getting sick, not that he can afford to be sick. Cabeswater doesn't feel like it usually does and Adam's worry grows.





	Don't Kill Us

**Author's Note:**

> Okay this is a little surprise for a special someone. I've started writing after so long and it feels amazing! I got the idea in class, I was bored out of my mind and was thinking of these stupid boys when I thought of this! I was a little obsessed with wanting this fic to be perfect in my own weird way. There's a warning for minor flashbacks of child abuse. I hope you guys like this!

 

Adam is having a bad day.

 

He thinks he woke up on the wrong side of the bed: he slept through his alarm, almost tripped on his way to class, he’s dozing off, his pen gripped tightly in his hands and he is blinking away the sleep in his eyes. It isn’t just that: he’s feeling shitty in general. He’s hating himself today, hating everything about him and around him, wanting nothing more than to pack a bag and fly back to Virginia.

 

Fly back to Ronan.

 

He keeps playing everything his father ever said in his head, over and over again: useless, pathetic, selfish, you think you’re some shit wanting to go to those big ass schools, you think you’re gonna be one of those rich fuckers when you grow up when you can’t even stop and think about your poor mother! Don’t ever think you’ll get out of here, boy!

 

Stop, he pleads his brain. Just stop.

 

His brain wouldn’t stop. It made him touch his deaf ear over and over again, telling him how much it set him back, telling him where he really was from, telling him he might not deserve to be here after all.

 

No, he reassures himself. I earned this.

 

Then why was it getting harder to believe? He checks his phone, wanting to see a text from Ronan, knowing Ronan had texted him exactly five days ago. He doesn’t want to keep a count, he knows Ronan’s lifelong rivaly with cell phones, he knows he shouldn’t expect anything but he just wants to see a text from him, is that too much to ask?

 

Maybe it is.

 

Maybe he’s starting to take everything for granted. Maybe he shouldn’t ask so much, get so careless, get so greedy. Except, he has always been greedy. Greedy for Gansey’s prestige, greedy for the love around Blue, greedy for Ronan’s carelessness. Maybe he didn’t deserve to be greedy either.

 

He can’t understand why he was feeling this way, he can’t stop feeling this way. He closes his eyes trying to reach Cabeswater but he can’t quite find it. It’s like searching for a pulse, steady and rythmic but instead finding an empty sickening silence.

 

Something is wrong. He feels horrible, a lump in his throat growing bigger, a heaviness in his stomach, legs weakening, head spinning, he’s going to be sick. He’s definitely going to sick. He quickly stuffs his notebook in his backpack, gets up and walks out of the classroom door as fast as he can. He can feel his roommate looking at him in alarm as he heads out.

 

He falls into his bed as soon as he reaches his room. He doesn’t have the energy to take his shoes off so he curls up into a ball, hands gripping at his pillow, eyes shut tight, his breathing shallow. He wills himself to sleep which eventually happens. Or maybe he went unconscious he can’t really tell.

 

He remembers dozing off and on, remembers hearing his roommate call his name, feels him grabbing his thumb and pressing it on the bottom of his phone to unlock it.

 

‘Is this Gansey? I’m Ezra, Adam’s roommate and he doesn’t look in a good shape right now, he has a fever, I’m trying to get him to sit up but he won’t even get up to take some medicine, he-‘

 

‘Hello? Is this Ronan? Something is wrong with Adam he- Hello? Hello?’

 

‘Parrish, Parrish? Adam.’

 

Adam feels someone shaking him hard and forces himself to open his eyes. He sees Ronan and okay he’s starting hallucinate now-

 

‘Parrish, for the love of God get your ass up before I carry you through this fucking dorm-‘

 

Adam smiles a little and then realizes that Ronan is here and he’s not hallucinating. How long has he been sleeping for? He sits up fast.

 

‘Ronan?’ Adam slurs, his mouth dry as hay. ‘What are you-‘ His head starts spinning and he reaches for Ronan, his hands find the fabric of Ronan’s shirt and grips it tight. He feels Ronan’s hands on his wrists steadily holding him there. ‘My head,’ he mumbles.

 

‘Yeah, we’re getting the fuck out of here,’ Ronan announces sounding angry. Which sounds alot like he’s been worrying which makes Adam feel alot of things. Before Adam can register anything he feels Ronan’s arms lifting him up, one around his shoulders and the other underneath his knees, and making his way out of the room. Adam wants to protest, he really does, but Ronan feels so warm and Adam just wants to lay his head on his chest and close his eyes.

 

So he does.

 

When he opens them again, he’s lying in the backseat of a car that smells like moss and mist and sweat and dirt and Ronan. He feels the leather beneath his cheek and presses his nose into the fabric, eyes shut for a moment before he opens them again and finds Ronan in the driver’s seat, his eyes on the road. Adam sits up slowly, head hanging between his shoulders, his hands gripping the leather tightly, fingernails digging into the seat. He takes a few deep breaths and thinks he might be able to look up now. He raises his head slowly and looks into the review mirror and of course finds Ronan already looking at him, his eyes betraying the worry that his face doesn’t. Adam manages a small smile and puts his hands on the back of the headrest of Ronan’s seat, learning forward to press his lips to Ronan’s cheek, lingering there for a few seconds, nuzzling the stubble growing there.

 

‘Hi,’ he whispers and makes his way to Ronan’s shoulder to press two short kisses there thinking he might be going soft on this boy.

 

‘You fucking scared the living shit out of me,’ Ronan greets him but the softness in his expression contrasts the sharpness of his voice. ‘How are you feeling?’

 

‘Like I’m trying very very hard not to throw up,’ Adam replied. ‘Wouldn’t want to ruin your dream beemer.’

 

‘Ever the gentleman,’ Ronan appreciates. ‘Just lie back down, we still have a long way to go.’

 

Adam had so many questions so he asked them before he couldn’t because he was really not feeling good.

 

‘Where are we going? How did you manage to drive up here? How long was I out?’

 

‘Easy! Cabeswater or Foxway, it’s your pick and this is a dream car, Parrish! It manages.’

 

‘Manages,’ Adam repeats slowly. He would argue further but he doesn’t think he has the energy to do that so instead he says, ‘We should go to Cabeswater first, something’s not right.’

 

‘No shit.’

 

Adam wants to retort with a smart comment but his head is spinning again and he grips the seat in his hands again. He feels the car going faster now.

 

‘Don’t kill us,’ Adam whispers and lies down to sleep again.

 

 

 

When Adam wakes up again it’s because someone is shaking his shoulder. Adam peels his eyes open, his head feeling heavy and he tries to sit up. He does it slowly now, not wanting to feel dizzy again. He was really getting tired of this.

 

‘Steady,’ Ronan says his voice soft, his hand at the small of Adam’s back, the touch grounding him. He helps Adam out of the car, slamming the door behind him like it was the car’s fault Adam was sick. It was colder than Adam had anticipated which was probably because Adam was feeling like he was going to die. He sees Cabeswater before him and closes his eyes, trying to reach for the forest. It replies almost instantly, thank God thank God thank God, he thinks desperately feeling the leaves unfurling, a caress on his face, the moss cool around his feet. He feels a hand grabbing his own, fingers intertwining with his and he squeezes it. The hand squeezes back.

 

He finally looks at Ronan, stares at the sharp edges of his face and thinks how many times had he been cut by it. He looks his fill, trying to make up for the weeks seperating them, he was allowed to look his fill-a thought that made his insides curl, something that was utterly his, a feeling of belonging, of being wanted settling in his heart all over again.

 

Wanted.

 

Ronan is looking at him now and Adam wants nothing more than to press his lips against his and wants the world to stop spinning for once.

 

So he does it.

 

He steps up into Ronan’s space, his hand cupping the back of Ronan’s neck dragging him down to press their lips together. Ronan’s arms immediately circles around Adam’s waist, Ronan’s mouth moving roughly against his own, teeth pulling at his bottom lip. Adam’s fingernails scrape the back of Ronan’s head in response, and he feels him moan in his mouth. Adam kisses him harder, more ferocious like he’s giving him a fight and he knows Ronan never backs down from a fight.

 

It’s going great until Adam feels a wave of nausea.

 

‘Shit,’ Adam curses pulling away from Ronan’s mouth and buries his head into other boy’s neck breathing slowly. Ronan arms snake around waist and holds him tightly for a second.

 

Two seconds. Three seconds.

 

‘We should go before you die in my arms,’ Ronan declares dramatically. Adam thinks he wouldn’t mind dying in his arms as he lets himself be lead into the forest. The minute they enter it they are greeted with a warm summer sun and Adam silently appreciates it. They walk a few miles, Ronan’s arm holding his waist tightly as if he was afraid if he let go Adam would disappear. It kind of melted his heart, not that he would ever admit it infront of him. He knew Ronan was more sappy than he let on, even if he pretended to be rough and tough on the outside. He was all tough black leather, rough buzzcut, tough shape, rough tattoo. But he knew Ronan’s soft kisses too well; to his forehead when he was asleep, to his shoulder when Ronan woke up earlier than Adam on a Sunday at the Barns and on his lips whenever he had a chance.

 

He wishes Ronan had more chances.

 

He feels his vertigo settling so he blinks a few times to make sure he was steady before pulling away from Ronan and settling down on the soft grass. He runs his fingertips across the grass, his insides humming with content. This is what Cabeswater does to him and he is so so glad for it. He is glad for the person who manifested it, the one opting to lie down next to Adam instead of sitting so he follows suit.

 

He turns around to face Ronan, his head nesting in the crook of his arm and closes his eyes. There is something unsettling about Cabeswater, a sort of wrongness to it, something that is similar to when the demon had infested it but not as terrible. Adam wants to find the source of it but he doesn’t have the same level of closeness with Cabeswater as he did back then, something he tried really hard not to think about (he failed alot of times), and so it took more effort to connect to Cabeswater than it did before.

 

He feels the back of Ronan’s hand running gently down his cheek and he shivers. He grabs Ronan’s hand in his and presses his lips to it. He missed him so much, even now when he was right next to him. Was that even possible? Was it possible to miss someone even though you had them right next to you? Adam didn’t understand a thing. He thinks he should talk to Gansey about it but he also thinks there are some things that escape the wisdom of even Richard Gansey the Third. All he can think about is when he has to leave, trying to plan his next visit back to Henrietta, knowing how hard it is but willing to do it anyway. Some days it was the only motivation Adam needed to get through the day.

 

He opens his eyes and already finds Ronan’s cool blue eyes staring at him. He isn’t hiding his worry anymore, his expression is troubled like it gets when he wakes up from a nightmare where Adam dies, or Matthew or Gansey or Blue.

 

‘What the fuck happened?’ Ronan murmurs.

 

‘I don’t know,’ Adam admits. ‘Just- I woke up feeling like shit. Couldn’t stop thinking about dad.’ Adam swallows the bitter taste in his mouth as the thoughts came hurling in. ‘Couldn’t stop thinking about what he said to me all these years, couldn’t stop thinking about my ear, just-‘

 

He shakes his head turning away from Ronan, not wanting him to see his face. He feels Ronan’s hand in his hair, stroking the dust coloured strands. He closed his eyes to it, sinking in the feeling. He takes a moment.

 

Two. Three.

 

He turns back to face Ronan again. ‘Something’s wrong with Cabeswater. It’s not- not like that but something is definitely not right.’

 

‘Whatever it is, it’s small. I can’t feel anything,’ Ronan says ‘You feeling okay now?’

 

Adam nods. ‘It’s Cabeswater. I think I’ll get dizzy once we get out of here. We need to get to the psychics but let’s just stay here for a while, I’m really not ready to die again.’

 

‘Sure hope not,’ Ronan replies, his eyes fierce and it kind of took Adam’s breath away. Not that he’d ever admit it.

 

He could always show it though. So he leans forwad and kisses Ronan who responds enthusiastically, pushing Adam on his back, hands cupping his jaw, mouth moving carefully like he was afraid of breaking Adam.

 

Ronan could never break him. Adam’s hands found the bare skin under the Ronan’s black shirt, his hands tracing the tattoo already knowing the intricate lines looping and swirling into each other, the complicated pattern covering Ronan’s back, like a muscle memory. He opens his mouth for Ronan and their tongues tangle together, Adam lets out an embarrassing sound and finds that he does not care at all.

 

 

 

Of course the minute they get into the car Adam’s brain decides to bang against his skull again. He shuts his eyes against the pain.

 

‘Step on it,’ he tells Ronan putting his hand on the other boy’s shoulder and gripping it tight.

 

Ronan steps on it.

 

‘Don’t kill us.’

 

Ronan doesn’t kill them.

 

When they arrive at 300 Foxway a very delighted Opal greets them. She runs straight to Adam, takes his hand in her small ones and presses a small kiss at the back of it. Adam smiles at her and ruffles her hair.

 

‘I missed you,’ she says and Adam is struck by how openly she declares her fondness for him, this strange dream thing, a tiny hoofed version of Ronan. He feels a warmth spread through him.

 

‘I missed you too,’ he grins at her and kisses the top of her head.

 

‘Coca Cola t-shirt,’ Calla yells from the living room.

 

Adam knows that they have been waiting him so he walks into the room and is greeted by Calla who already has her tarrot cards spread out on the table, a glass of wine resting dangerously close to the cards. Maura is nowhere to be seen and Adam isn’t sure he wants to see Gwenllian.

 

‘You’ve been expecting me,’ Adam says in a neutral voice and sits down across from her. Ronan stands behind him, his hands resting on Adam’s shoulders, his thumbs stroking the nape of his neck. Adam lets himself relax.

 

‘You know we’ve been expecting you,’ Calla smiles. She collects her cards, shuffles them for a minute and sets them on the table.

 

‘Pick a card.’

 

Adam picks a card.

 

It’s the Devil. Adam’s heart lurches but , really, he should have been expecting it.

 

‘Pick another.’

 

The Tower.

 

‘Another’

 

The Hermit.

 

‘Do you feel like Cabeswater is corrupted?’ Calla questions him.

 

He feels Ronan take in a sharp breath. That was word, corrupted.

 

‘Kind of,’ Adam admits. ‘But not like the third sleeper.’

 

Gwenllian chooses that moment to burst into the living room to shriek, ‘It’s a residue!’

 

‘A residue?’ Adam questions politely.

 

‘A remainder,’ Gwenllian recites like she’s memorized a thesaurus, circling Adam and Ronan again and again. ‘A remnant. A remain. A sediment.’ She sings the last words.

 

‘Of what?’ Ronan barks, starting to get annoyed.

 

‘Of the third sleeper.’

 

Adam’s blood runs cold. He balls his hands into fists to stop them from shaking. Not again. Please not again.

 

‘Why is it only affecting Parrish?’

 

‘I have a theory,’ Calla says proudly. She leans forward, her hand clasped together, the look in her eyes intense. ‘It’s infecting the place Adam and Cabeswater made their bargain. Since Ronan made a new forest with a different map, it’s hard to find exactly where our mini demon is. It probably hasn’t even manifested yet. It’s probably leeching on Adam, feeding on his energy, growing into a physical form-‘

 

‘That motherfuck-‘ Ronan starts to curse.

 

‘I thought we killed it;’ Adam interrupts feeling a surge of anger. ‘Gansey died for this-‘

 

‘We can’t be sure,’ Calla replies. ‘It’s possible that there was some kind of a negative energy left, the demon was one of a kind. I don’t think it could be stopped that easily.’

 

Adam wants to throw something. ‘How do we stop it then?

 

‘In the dreamer’s dream,’ Gwenllian stage whispers flopping down besides Calla.

 

‘Adam scries. The snake will dream and find something to kill our mini demon, Coca Cola will actually kill it.’ Calla explains. She stares at the two boys for a full moment before snapping, ‘Don’t just stare at me! Get going!’

 

Adam gets up to find a scrying bowl and possibly grape juice in the kitchen and Ronan asks Calla about the weapon.

 

‘Try a sword,’ Gwenllian suggests wistfully. ‘A magnificent one. Bring it back to me.’

 

‘So you can kill everything in hindsight?’ Ronan frowns at her. ‘No thanks.’

 

Adam finds the bowl, fills it with grape juice and brings it back to the living room. Calla gets up from the sofa and makes him sit in her place, Ronan follows with his head resting in Adam’s lap.

 

‘Ready?’ He asks Adam softly and Adam kisses him response.

 

‘Ready.’

 

The last thing Adam remembers is Calla saying, ‘Gross,’ but in a weird affectionate way that he rarely hears from her before he stares into the bowl and feels himself slipping away from his body.

 

 

 

Adam wakes up in Cabeswater but it’s the older version of the forest. He feels a painful longing setting in his heart, how he had missed this version. How he remembers everything; from the trees to the vines to the grass around his feet to every path the forest had carved.

 

Ronan is nowhere to be seen but Adam knows he will find him.

 

He always finds him.

 

Adam starts walking. He already knows the way to the tree where he made the bargain so he focuses on looking for a weapon. A sword, Gwenllian had said. Sure enough Adam finds it. Its a big sword with a beautifully decorated hilt, silver in colour with a big ruby jewel in the centre, the colour of a Coca Cola can.

 

Adam smiles and picks it up. It’s heavier than he expects but it fits in his arm perfectly. Adam practices a few swings with it clumsily and hopes it wont come to actually fighting the creature.

 

He starts walking until he finds the tree and feels sick. The tree is a wreck. Its rotting, Adam can smell it. There is thick black sap oozing beneath the tree and he finally sees the demon. It’s a hill of black slime. Like the remains of the demon moulded back together without a particular shape. It doesn’t have any limbs or eyes or ears or a mouth. It’s only alive because its moving, and Adam can hear suckling sounds from the creature like it’s feeding on the tree. His tree. His stomach lurches and he swallows thickly.

 

He hears a twig snap behind him and whirls around to find Ronan behind him. He breaths again.

 

‘Fucking hell Ronan, give a warning or something!’ Adam hisses at him.

 

‘Nice sword,’ Ronan comments. His eyes fall on the slimey creature and his face hardens. ‘What a stubborn bastard.’ He smiles dangerously. It’s a sharp and dripping with venom. ‘End it’s misery, Parrish.’

 

Adam smiles back, ‘Glad to.’ He strides forwards until a hot searing pain shoots up in his chest and he staggers backwards into Ronan who grabs him before he falls.

 

‘Adam!’

 

‘I’m fine,’ he hisses through gritted teeth. ‘I have to do it.’

 

‘And die? I don’t think so!’ Ronan’s voice is a little unsteady.

 

‘I’m not going to die,’ Adam says calmly.

 

‘We’re not risking it.’

 

‘It’s too weak, I can feel it. Trust me Ronan, I won’t die.’ Adam stares at Ronan. He cups Ronan’s face in his hands and pulls him close until their lips are almost touching. ‘Trust me.’ He breathes. He kisses them once before pulling away.

 

He wills himself forward, his feet are moving. Good, he thinks that’s good. The pain builds up in his chest again and ignores it the best that he can. He’s taken more painful versions of pain, again and again till his body almost broke but he didn’t. He won’t let this remainder (a remnant, a remain, a sediment) of a creature break him. He’s more firm on his feet now and finds himself infront of the creature. The pain is a dull ache now or maybe Adam is just numb to it.

 

He holds the sword in his hand, the weight of it strangely comforting, holds it above his head and brings it down with all his might, stabbing the demon. It makes a horrible sound. A howl, a shout, a screech, a scream. Terrible, terrible noises. Adam wonders if he’ll go deaf in his other ear too. He fights it off and stabs the creature two, three, four more times for a good measure. Thick black fluid spills from the wound, probably its blood. Adam stares at it for a second, horrified then turns around to runs back to Ronan who looks impressed.

 

‘We need to get back,’ Adam shouts over the screaming when he reaches him. ‘Wake up.’

 

 

 

Adam jolts back to the present with a start. He sees the scrying bowl on the floor, the dark liquid spreading uselessly on the floor and Opal looking at him, her face stricken with worry. She runs up and hugs him tight and Adam hugs her back, a little confused. He feels a hand on his back and turns around to see Ronan who’s saying something about him not coming back. He feels Opal releasing him and take his hand.

 

Adam needs a moment so he gestures with his hand and takes a few deep breaths. In and out, like Gansey had once taught him. He thinks about the dream, the forest, the ugly creature, the horrible shrieks, the magnificent sword and-

 

‘We killed it,’ Adam sighs, victorious. He grins and settles against the back of the sofa, his hands running down his face in relief.

 

‘You killed it,’ Ronan says replacing his worry with a sharp grin. ‘It was fucking hot.’

 

‘Shut up,’ Adam laughs feeling lighter than he had felt in weeks.

 

‘Where’s my sword?’ Gwenllian demands. Adam forgot she was in the room. She’s standing infront of him, her hair a mess as usual, pencils and tree branches poking out of it, hands on her hip.

 

‘Lost it,’ Adam replies truthfully.

 

She scowls in response and Opal demand about a bird they had buried in the backyard a few days ago and drags Gwenllian out of the room. Adam feels grateful.

 

‘You did good,’ Calla says. ‘That was the last of it.’

 

Adam feels that too. He doesn’t understand why they missed it in the first place and then he thinks they probably have to tell Gansey, Blue and Henry about this.

 

And then he thinks about Noah and he feels himself crumbling. He rests his head on Ronan’s shoulder and sighs.

 

‘We’re gonna be fine,’ Ronan mumbles.

 

Adam smiles and hopes.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi to me on tumblr, I'm alecbluewood.


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